It seems as if the harder I try to hold on to something special the faster it seems to slip out of my grasp. It’s like trying to hold on to water. You can’t. It leaves your hands wet and lets you know something was there but the whole of it couldn’t be contained. It made it’s way out of your hands despite your best efforts. The more you work to keep it the faster it slips away….
You know your world is about to implode. Yet, there you are trying so hard to get a grip where there is none. You are slipping and there is no one to catch you. Falling and flailing through the air, you crash down into a heap of bones, blood and skin. Everything is raw and bloody. A sick feeling permeates your entire body and coalesces in your gut, threatening to erupt.
Even knowing what’s coming, you can’t seem to stop yourself from trying again. You try and avoid it. You stare …watching the water rush from your hands, slipping between your fingers running over the sides. Too late, you cup your hands to prevent any more loss but it is always a futile effort. You stare at your hands hoping that you can somehow fix it. Will the water back into your hands. Fill the emptiness. “Don’t leave” you say, to no one in particular.
You say to me just don’t hold on to it. You say stop trying. But, I don’t know how to do that. It must be some defect of mine, to want to hold on so tight to those things I deem important. That or I am forever foolish. I am not sure what is worse. The cringe worthy foolishness or the horrible sensation of watching things slip on by.
