Seriously, there were probably more tries at writing “ parts,” I just stopped counting around 5th or 6th. Really though, people talk about expectations for just about everything. We walk into situations, new places, and meetings with them. We have secret expectations that we don’t even think about. I don’t think about what my dinner should taste like but when it doesn’t taste the way I think it should I am fairly certain someone will hear about it.
Expectations weasel their way into just about every aspect of your life. Why don’t I write more often? Because I expect it to be easier and sound better than what I see on the screen. So I scrap it. Or, it sits in the ‘drafts’ folder or on the table with my notes under the markers and coloring books and nine hundred thousand other things that seem to collect on my table.
I look at my table in disgust. Why? Because I have an expectation that it should not look so messy. Where did that come from? A lifetime of living with other people who did not care for the ‘mess’ of living with an other less organized person. I internalized their expectations that the table should always be clear of everything.
What are some expectations that you have that you didn’t know that you have of yourself? Of other people?
Those pesky expectations often cause us a lot of problems. We are unhappy with people and things because…. You guessed it. We have expectations of how it should ‘go.’ I would bet ( a LOT of money) … that more often than not things do not go as we expected. This is not necessarily a problem if we have the correct perspective. Yet, we all seem to lose it, especially when other people do not meet our expectations.
This seems like a double edged sword. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. No or low expectations means that if they are not met by another individual or situation, then we don’t become upset or otherwise angry. When things don’t go as planned, it doesn’t “really” matter. On the other hand some people would argue that low or no expectations invites people or situations to act any old way and implies that we must put up with it.
I would argue that this is an invalid assumption. No expectations means we are not overly attached to a particular outcome. ( I know you just rolled your eyes at me, I rolled my eyes at myself) This in turn means that things could go dreadfully wrong and instead of loosing our cool and becoming angry or incapacitated it allows us to think of alternative solutions without wasting a lot of time being upset by something that we can not change. I am saying, we are skipping the entire lets be “upset-ness” and jump right into solution mode.
This does not mean we are abandoning our personal boundaries or allowing people to cross lines. I would always like to be treated with respect. Some people are not capable of this, so I choose not to be around them. I would like a certain level of service from the businesses I chose to patronize. If that level of service is not there I no longer patronize that business. I skip the emotional roller coaster and move into action. I make choices based on what I am comfortable with allowing.
If you answered the question above, think about which of those expectations have often given you grief? At the end of the day, do they really matter, or, do they cause you more grief?
